Friday, 5 October 2012

golden leaves and snow

Today we got our first snowfall...and its still coming down. This is early..even for Manitoba.

There is something so beautiful about the first snowfall. It makes me want to break out the Christmas tunes and set up the Christmas tree.

A part of me would like to set it up, just to see Jason's face when he walks through the door. November 1st is when I usually do it and that's even too early for him. But the coziness of white lights and sparkling ornaments. Hot exciting!

The snow has also reminded me of how much I have to do before Christmas. Presents to be made and ordered. Advent activities to plan.

With that said...I could use a little more of autumn.

Monday, 17 September 2012

a case of the mondays...

Being a SAHM you'd think that every day would be the same.

But Mondays are usually where I put the highest expectations.
Get laundry started.
Sheets cleaned.
Floors swept.

You know...a fresh start to the week.

I woke up before both kids. Awesome.
Ate breakfast alone. Double Awesome.

Then I stared down the three ice cream pails full of fresh tomatoes and the large bag of onions sitting beside them.

"I should do something with those" I thought. "Before I add to the exponentially growing population of fruit flies already taking up residence in my kitchen.

After five minutes of hip-hop abs (hey, its something). I thought I would begin a batch of canned spaghetti sauce.

Ambitious? yes!

Reading the recipe I discovered I needed tomato paste. Garbage! I don't have any.

Enter five minutes of researching substitutes. Alas! I can boil down canned tomato sauce to make paste! Easy Peasy!

Darn you internet...making things seem so simple.

What was supposed to take 7 minutes of a gentle simmer...ended up taking at least 30 minutes at a rapid boil...and resulted in large amounts of red sauce splattering my kitchen like a crime scene.

Okay..paste done. Now to chop onions.

Onions make me grumpy. I usually end up with massive amounts of tears ruining my makeup.

ok forward to all the ingredients boiling in a pot. (I am skipping over when I had to break up a few dozen "big brother pushing little brother over" situations.)

Enter: niece and nephew are dropped off. Chaos ensues. I should really by at least four of all the toys I have. That would definitely reduce the number of arguments.

I just get the sauce canned, bathed and sealed, clean up the kitchen, and wipe down the puddles of tomato sauce that rained all over my kitchen floor. I light some candles to try to reduce the onion smell that has encompassed every corner of the house again. (I did salsa last week and my hands smelled for 8 days!)

I take a deep breath. One babe is napping, the three others are playing unusually quietly. Perfect chance to make a cup of coffee.

I don't know why I did it..but I did.

On my way to the coffee maker I steal a glance at the clock. 11:44. Shoot! There goes my coffee time. Its already lunch time.

I get through it. The hot dogs on the floor, stepping on some grapes, cake smeared on bare tummys. A painful hour of persuading them to clean up the toys with the promise of Backyardigans.

So as I sip my now slightly chilled coffee, catching up on emails, I take a deep breath reminding myself that I can get the rest done tomorrow.

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

I guess I'm a Runner Now

This past weekend I crossed one goal of my proverbial list: Completed a half marathon. For those of you who don't know a half marathon is 13 miles (21kms). 

I had two goals going into the race: I wanted to finish it and I didn't want to walk one step of it.
I did both!
I finished in two hours and two minutes. Fifth in my age category. 
Not too shabby, seeing as the longest I had ever run was 11 kms. 
I tend to get bored running, but here the adrenaline kept me going:)

 Jason and the boys came with me for support. Jason probably had it worse then me since we had to wake up the boys at 6am to get to the race in time.

 These boys are my life!

This is my approaching the finish line.

Aside from my ipod there were a few things that I told myself in order to keep going. Especially with those hills!
I didn't want to be the one fainting or vomiting or carried away on the stretcher.
I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
I repeated many times the following things:
If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you.
My strength comes from the Lord.
Cohen will be waiting at the finish line for me. (He asked if I was racing like Lightning McQueen!)

Around mile 8 or so I took a moment to just take in how I was feeling. A beautiful morning, beautiful scenery and it was an adrenaline like no other. 

I felt at peace.
I felt amazing.
I felt strong.


I felt sore.
So sore.

From my hips down to my toes.

Three days later and its mostly my feet that hurt (Jason did tell my to get better shoes).
If I sit for two long then my hips hurt again.

I would am going to do a half again!

If I wasn't so sore I would do it right now.

I've always told people I wasn't a runner.

But now I guess I am.

Friday, 7 September 2012

post spontaneity

I blog irregularly.

If you are one of the three (I'm being generous here!) that follow my already know that.

For a week I'll post every day...and then nothing I vanish into the offline abyss.

Its not for not wanting to. Sometimes I lay awake at night. By brain hurts from all the words wanting to escape.

I don't really write for others. The words pour out from inside, not picky of their audience. There is something vulnerable about posting online.

I tried writing with paper and pen but for me online is better. There is something about hitting "publish" that is exhilirating and downright frightening. To keep a journal on your bedside table but airing your thoughts online where everyone...anyone can read...yikes! I try my best not to put myself in vulnerable spots but here my audience is mostly unknown (except for you, G-ma!).

If you know me you probably wouldn't describe me as a creative person. But let me tell you, behind the schedules and the narotic desire for wanting to know everything, there is a creative soul desperate to escape.

If only for more time. You might say..isn't there something I could sacrifice in order to have the time to nurture my creative side.

After housework, diapers, working part-time, working out, making time to at least acknowledge my husband exists, laundry (oh! the laundry) I barely have time to sleep.Seriously.

Thursday, 6 September 2012

First Day of Preschool

I didn't shed a tear. Not one.

I'm almost crying now over the fact that I didn't cry.

Maybe it was because I wasn't sure what I should do with how I feel. To be so sad and so proud at the same time.

Cohen started preschool today.

I registered him. It was my idea. But I didn't really want him to go. We are buddies.

Off he went in his little monogrammed cardigan (pics to follow). He wasn't even excited to see me. Just neutral.

Little does he know,  I left the house to pick him up an hour and a half before preschool was over. I needed to leave the house. It was too quiet without him. Even with Pax and my nephew here. It felt empty.

He's my sunshine; my world felt like a cloudy day without him.

We walked the half hour home...I patiently waited for him to start gabbing about all that he did and who he talked to, you know, tell him all the details over and over toddlers do. I had to almost force the words out of his mouth. Like preschool was just his secret and I wasn't privileged to know what went on.

All he told me is that he wants to go back.

I was so proud..and still am. So proud of my baby boy who is growing up and in preschool! He didn't act shy with his school pals or his teachers. That's what I wanted when I signed him up.

Speaking of baby boy. I knelt down in front of my three year old and told him "I'm so proud of you, my baby boy." He has never once rejected a statement like that..I don't know why he chose today to start. Perhaps to watch my heart shatter...He responded "mom..I'm not a baby...I'm a big boy...I go to preschool."

Ok I get it. He liked it. He wants to go back. This is the start of him becoming his own person.

I'm sad..and so extremely proud.

Words can't describe.

Monday, 13 August 2012

life is busy

I know I'm not the only one with a busy life. But sometimes being busy is overwhelming. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy having things to do. Sometimes I just don't have enough time in a day, week, month to get everything done that I want to do...whether its necessary or just something that I want to do.

I recently got asked to serve a need in our church. I haven't answered yet. My baby, Pax, is not even a year yet and I don't like to leave him in the nursery. This need would need me to leave him somewhere and I'm not sure if I'm ready to do that yet. Also, it would also mean that I would have to sacrifice my Sunday school class...leaving me without that opportunity for growth and learning.

I'm struggling because the above reasons are all selfish. I should be jumping at the chance to serve where there is a need. Will Paxton remember that I didn't spend Sunday School with him? or Will it mean more to him that I served even if it meant a sacrifice for me?

I've been praying about it but since I have not received an answer..I'm assuming this one is up to me to figure out:)

Thursday, 14 June 2012

sitting is hard

Yesterday was the first day of the 10 week beachbody class that I'm teaching...and man oh man am I a little sore. Whether I'm standing or butt hurts...I'm guessing it has a lot to do with all the squats that we did.
I'm looking forward to teaching this class again. It was so much but fun!
I made a huge pot of oatmeal as a "treat" for the end of the class.
This was my recipe:
servings: at least 10
3 cups of multigrain oats
3 tbsp ground flaxseed
2 tsp cinnamon
1 scoop vanilla protein powder

Bring 6 cups of water to a rapid boil. Stir in oats and rest of above ingredients. Reduce heat.
Leave for 6-8 minutes.
Remove from heat.

Stir in:

1 cup of blueberries (frozen or fresh)
2 chopped bananas

Top with yogurt (optional)

Gobble up!

Tuesday, 5 June 2012


I picked up my laptop and thought I would write a post about how lovely I think summer days are. And its true, I really do enjoy warm, sunny days.
But just as I was about to start typing I took a quick look outside and took account of where I was. Currently I'm sitting on my living room floor wearing a skirt and tank top, drinking an iced coffee and staring out the window at the gorgeous blue skies...and I'm also wearing a huge warm blanket. Its just such an odd concept to write about the warm weather, while shivering under a blanket in an air-conditioned igloo! 
Don't get me wrong..I love air conditioning. Its take the humidity out of the air so that even with my seasonal allergies I can still breath.
My favourite thing about being a SAHM is being able to spend the summers outside. We can take our time getting ready and taking a walk or the bike ride to the park. We can play in the water and take turns going down the slides. After a little snack we can go home, change into dry, clean clothes and make some low-key lunch before long, play-induced naps. Summer is a great excuse not to get as much done in the house...finally a justification for not!
I'm looking forward to long, warm summer days that stretch into cool evenings around the fire.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Sharing the love.

Last night as I was holding Paxton before bedtime, it really really hit me for the first time: I have two children. This may seem obsurd as Paxton is almost nine months old. I have had two kids for that long.
 I used to imagine what it would feel like to have a child and the intense love that comes along with that. Having Cohen has been the most life-changing, heart-transforming and selfless thing I have ever experienced. I could not imagine a deeper love.
When I got pregnant with Paxton, my one main concern was how I would be able to split my time and love fairly between both children. How could I possibly give any more than what I was already giving to Cohen? I have come to the realization that its not about splitting my love but my heat doubled.
Back to last night..I was sitting there holding my baby and became suddenly, vibrantly aware of the deep love I have in my body for both Cohen and Paxton.
My boys. I never would have guessed that I would be the mother of two sons.
This love is overwhelming but I wouldn't have it anyway.

Thursday, 29 March 2012

rainy day + parenting

Ok so just so you get a small glimpse of my life lately: For the past 5 weeks I've had my own two kids plus my neice and my nephew while my sister is temporarily back at work. So yes that means I have a 3 year old, 2 1/2 year old, 1 1/2 year old, and 6 1/2 month old Pax. Yup..that's right..4 under 3. Needless to say I've been living a faster paced life than I'm used to.

Up until today it was okay. We have had great days playing together. We've had rougher days filled with time-outs and tears. But nothing prepared me for today. Both of my boys were still sleeping when the other two arrived. I had already been able to consume my breakfast, read blogs and take a few breaths all by myself. With optimisim I had researched different toddler-friendly activities we could do today.

We began with a fun time building a fort with chairs and blankets in the living room. I had told them to choose one toy each to play with in the fort while I nursed Paxton. Enter the madness. As I was nursing they began to put every toy we own in that fort. After a few attempts to get them to put some back...I just said, " whatever you put in the tent you will have to put back on the toy shelf."

Around 10:30am I told them we could have a snack in the tent. What a treat, eh?!?! But due to the tremendous amount of toys filling up the tent, there was no room for the kids nevermind me and a snack. Alright, let's clean up. Nothin'. No one moved. I attempted with various methods to motivate them to clean up the toys. It took one hour and 45 minutes to clean up the toys. That time was filled with screams, tears, meltdowns. And then there was the kids!

When Jason walked in the door for lunch I was tempted to run out and take an hour for myself. Jason asked why I didn't just put on the tv. Ugh! Doesn't he understand that I'm trying to parent without that thing! Of course its easy to plop kids in front of the tv and watch them get sucked in. Now before anyone gets upset or offended, they do get to watch tv and enough of it. But I don't want it to be something I use when I don't want to play or parent. Its a privilege.

After lunch we played for a bit...then I caved. I put Toy Story on. I figured I would have a few minutes to prep supper and cuddle my sick baby. Nope. Today not even the tv could save us. They argued, wrestled, pushed, and cried some more.

I put on a pot of coffee and dreamed of the moment that I would taste the first sip. Now and hour and a half later...all four are sleeping soundly in their beds and I am enjoying my well-deserved coffee.
I love them all. I do. We just have bad days. Monday will be better. It has to be. We reached the bottom. Its only up from here.

Monday, 19 March 2012

time flies

Sometimes I still feel phantom baby kicks. Crazy..since my baby is 6 months old as of March 3. How can six months go by so quickly. I'm in love with this kid. He is one of the happiest baby I've ever met...with just an edge of a temper. Pax's hair sticks up all the time. His big brother "tickles" him as evidenced by the gash on his cheek.
He's a big guy..not chubby but long and lean. He is wearing mostly 9-12 month clothes. At his immunization appointment, he weighs 17lbs, is 27" long and has a head circumference of 42 cm. So pretty much has the body shape of his father. But the eyes of his momma!
His smile turns my heart inside out.
He can sit up on his own and as of this morning can roll over...finally!
Since I'm still nursing, his bedtime routine is all about me.(Daddy puts Cohen to bed!) I'm getting into the habit of praying over him as he falls asleep. I've always known this is important but never felt I knew the "right" way to pray like that for Cohen. After hearing a visiting pastor to our church in the fall...I finally just started. His advice was "Want to know how to pray?...Just do it!" It never seemed so simple before.
I don't need fancy words or anything. I just talk to God and voice my desires for my little baby.
Its not hard..once I let go of myself. No one is judging me. I'm just a mom praying for her child.
Oh Pax...I do love you. Every day I sing "L.O.V.E." to him and he smiles for miles!

I hope the next 6months will go by a tad bit slower than the first! I'm so not ready for him to be 1!

Tuesday, 6 March 2012


Welcome to my new world! I have been blogging (if you can call it that!) at for a few years. I've wanted to change names for awhile to something that more represented me and what I wanted to talk about. 

It took me for sure a year to come up with a blog name that I liked. It may not be super awesome but when I thought of just seemed perfect for me.
I don't necessarily have a theme or catergory that I would classify this blog as...its about me and the things I like. 

A blog about me that's the purpose of blogging. A personal blog..yup that sounds right. 

My name is Tamara. This is my blog. I wear many hats: woman, wife, mother, crocheter, sewer, aunt, daughter, sister, trainer, instructor. I strive for balance in life. I aim to live a healthy life. 

My journey is headed to eternity in Heaven. My job here on earth is to give glory to God in everything I do. I've lived a life so far wasting time. I want to fulfill the purpose God has given to me. 

I have one husband, Jason, and two sons, Cohen and Paxton. I like our little family. (Secretly...I like having two kids...but I don't have a little girl yet!)
My job (besides raising my boys) is a personal trainer/fitness instructor. I love to help others achieve their health goals and improve their self-esteem.

This blog is a work in progress. I hope to have a shop open soon with crochet accessories. I promise to blog when I have something to blog about and not fill it up with posts about nothing (huge pet peeve!)
Thanks for reading and hope you stick around:)